Mr. Absurd!

Finding an eligible date that I would want to go on a date with and who wants to go on a date with me is taking some time. Living an hour away from Portland is proving to be to my disadvantage. If only I could convince these online daters that McMinnville boasts a fine array of hot women and a descent selection of nationally recognized restaurants.

So, I met with this one guy, lets just call him Mr. Absurd. Well Mr. Absurd was a little late to our first meet and greet. Something about a shower or phone call, regardless, late, but fine. Not five minutes into this does he say “your tits are smaller in person”. Yes he said tits! Then Mr. Absurd had the audacity to pull my blazer away from me and grabs my waist because he wanted to feel my waist. He doesn’t approve of my “tits” but says my waist is firm and wishes I would just take my blazer off. NO! I can not get out of here fast enough! I wish he would have asked to see my “ass” because I would have told him to get a good look at it because he would only see it as I walked away!

After such an offensive date one might want to reconsider if this online dating thing is worth it. This is not an easy process, it takes time, patience, flexibility and in this particular case a good since of humor. During my hour drive home I had time to ponder this situation while indulging in a blackberry milk shake from burgerville. Ice cream must clear my mind. By the time I got home I decided that I need to go on at least 10 dates with 10 different guys, because I want to be thankful for who ever it is that I end up with. Silliness? Maybe, but hopefully I will learn a few things along the way. Maybe I am turning a lemon into lemonade.

Sanguinely yours,
xoxo

Dearest Mother of Grace

Dearest Mother of Grace,

Can you cure me of all my dating wows, can you shower me with beautiful creatures, with muscles like Greek Gods who have voices like Anderson Cooper? Can you please shield me from the beasts and the misguided fellows.

If only it were as easy as a prayer or a spell.

Dating in a small town has proven to be challenging. Most people move to McMinnville to start a family, not to start dating. Of course, I am the one who does things a little backwards and as I am not moving anytime soon, I have resorted to finding dates via non-traditional pathways. Yes…it would be…online dating.

How has the experience been? Not good by anyone’s standards, it has been very slow, awkward, tedious and discouraging. After being “introduced” to horrifyingly undesirable matches, I quickly switched to match.com Improvement, well sort of. At least there the pool is bigger and I can do my own weeding. The results in the end may be a wash, but at least it isn’t an insult to my ego.

Oh and the oddities of online dating. I don’t even know were to start with the odd and awkward moments as their have been so many. So, I will just focus on my process of patiently sifting through matches. This may be the worst part, as it is the most discouraging. On the upside I am learning to be a bit ruthless and unforgiving while maintaining some humility. First, I don’t even give a profile a thought if their is something sexually suggestive in their tag line. Really, do they think I would want to read a profile that says s*xdaddy? If they have not posted a photo, I just move on to the next profile. It took a lot for me to post my profile photo for the world to see, and I am not going to click button that says “ask for photo”. That just makes me feel guilty, and then what do you say if you don’t think their attractive? It is also disappointing when someone hasn’t taken the time to write about themselves and what they are looking for. Or what they do write offers no sense of creativity or individuality and is just like every other profile. I want to read for myself that the person is intelligent, kind, compassionate, etc., not be told by them.

Sometimes, I will receive a message through match mail that contains only one word. Hey or Sexy. Truly, that is all, just one single lonely word. What is a girl to do with that?

Sanguinely yours,

xoxo