There are showing signs of affection through physical touch, such as a soft caress and there is groping. What is the difference? Think of the difference between subtle and demanding or the difference between the gentle purr of a cat and the pouncing of a dog. If you are in the situation of having dinner made for you are watching your lovely lady get ready to go out and you just can’t resist your urge to touch her, please do, just remember your tactics have consequences and they may not be the result you desire. A caress or a soft stroke of the hand on the nape of her neck followed by something endearing may not have immediate results but will be valued. In contrast a grope while she is trying to get beautify herself for an evening out with you may have immediate results, possibly not what you have in mind and may be felt as more of an irritant.
For instance, you might grab her ass (I prefer to use bum) very suggestively, and tell her how sexy her bum is and rub your pelvis against her, as she is dicing carrots with a sharp knife or stirring a sauce over a hot stove, to only get frustrated because you aren’t getting the desired results, or worse end up performing first-aid. Likely it is because you are not making her feel sexy but making her feel more like an object or plaything. Alternately, If you briefly and gently caress her bum (without any expectations) and tell her how sexy or beautiful she is and yes that you really like her bum, you will get much further, even if it is an hour or two later. Your actions will be valued, appreciated and reciprocated when not seen as an irritant or nuisance.
Tell me why is it when i walk past the guys
I always hear, yo, baby?
I mean like what’s the big idea?
I’m a queen, nuff respect
Treat me like a lady
And, no, my name ain’t yo and i ain’t got your baby
I’m looking for a guy who’s sincere
One with class and savoir faire
I’m looking for someone who has to be
Perfect for the queen latifah me
I love summer for all her glory. It is August and I do believe that summer has redeemed herself because the attractive and eligible young men have come out of the woodwork like cockroaches on a hot humid southern night.
A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of attending IPNC and the ever popular Salmon Bake. This weekend is the best of the best for wine and food lovers alike. The Pinot Noir was flowing decadently and unrelentingly from bottles, vast amounts of food were continually replenished at their stations and music was beckoning guests to the dance floor, while hundreds of white paper lanterns strong throughout the oak grove illuminated the setting. Yes, summer is glorious and the already delightful party was made even more delightful with eye candy in the form of men.
After I relaxed to the fact that I was at the event by myself, the dance floor started calling out to me. With no male companion to dance with, I succumbed to seeking out strangers in the hopes that they would want to dance. This is not an easy task, as I am not outgoing nor am I a good dancer. Tragic isn’t it, that I enjoy people and dancing, yet I’m shy and doubly left footed?
My first target, a very cute Frenchman, who very quickly turned me down. Crushed! Up until that moment every Frenchman I knew enjoyed dancing. And what Frenchman doesn’t enjoy in a little frivolous flirtation with no romantic fallow through required? Obviously not this one. My second mark was a French version of my grandfather at 65. Just like my grandfather this gentleman had wild yet somewhat maintained grey hair, thick black glasses and bright colored trousers and shirts. For purely sentimental reasons he should have been my first choice but also because if I had asked him first he wouldn’t have been swooped up by another woman. So, Strike two! Maybe rejection is good for the soul because I was striking out left and right. Then, before I could feel to sorry for myself or suffer any self-doubt, a White Knight trotted in to save the day and me from the disappointment of not dancing.
After the Salmon Bake festivities, we (the white night and myself) ended up walking to Thistle for a cocktail, as it was on the way to both of our houses. The White Night ended up being a great party companion until my mother’s text messages came thrashing in like the Gestapo, wondering why it is past midnight and I am not home yet. Endearing? Maybe. Convenient? No. I should be thankful that my mother is still concerned for me, but truely, it was utterly embarrassing being summoned home to my own house as it I were 17 again.
But the story doesn’t end there. The next day there was a champaign breakfast. As I had no intention of going to another one of these feasts alone, I called The White Night to see if he was up yet and interested in joining me. Thankfully he was both up and interested. So we left one event the night before together only to return to the next together. I assure you, all was aboveboard and innocent, yet before the day was over I received multiple messages asking about what was going on, as if their was some liaison between us. Silliness. Assumptions and speculation are dangerous paths take. Nonetheless, it is humorous to know where people’s minds go.
It may also be a while before I can legitimately complain about the lack of eligible men in Wine Country and get away with it.
Cheers to the bounty of McMinnville and the Wine Community.
Lets see, how should I illustrate Aprils prospects…Along with becoming desensitized by some mens lack of interest in me, I would like to think that I may be getting the hang of on-line dating. Or maybe it is just that I have settled into the fact that whenever boys (of the fully matured variety) are involved I will forever be plagued with misfortune of my own making. At least I have learned that I should never drive at night (in unfamiliar territory), as all sense of direction dissipates with sun-fall; heels should be, but not necessarily, forsaken in rain; and I need to getting a hid-a-key.
My first date in April was with Mr. Lackluster. On paper, or rather on-line, he seems promising; he is educated, athletic and well-rounded. When we meet the first thing I noticed was his height. Mr. Lackluster is the same height as I am, without heels and his smile seemed sad, inhibited and lacking charisma. Our conversation was excruciatingly painful and I was forced into generic nervous chatter. I could only surmise that he needs a similarly docile companion, which is not me and that is not to say that I am feisty or aggressive, because I’m not. I wish him well.
Next was, a guy who’s name means Wish. Not sure is he is the granter of wishes or the wish fulfilled, but with one PhD under his belt and contemplating a second, I can presume he is the wish his parents asked for. Mr. Wish and I were going to meet at 6:30pm. The chosen destination was about 20 minuets from my current location and I had about 30 minuets until then. Like I said before, I am prone to misfortune of my own making when boys are involved. When I got to my vehicle to drive to meet Mr. Wish, I noticed that my keys were on my driver’s seat and my doors were locked, even my trunk! I never lock my car door, haven knows why I would have done it then. Need less to say, my date was postponed and it wasn’t because of a personal emergency, or illness, or because I got lost, which would be entirely possible with or without GPS, no it was because I had to call a locksmith to unlock my car who took over an hour and a half to arrive!
Ladies, if you ever are in Newberg or the surrounding area and do something as foolish as me and get locked-out of your car, call Run Local Locksmith. The 15 min. service they advertise is inaccurate, but the wait in the cold was overlooked when this incredibly good looking guy with an accent came to my rescue.
Surprisingly Mr. Wish was still interested in meeting me. Amazing. The destination of choice was 23Hoyt, for a glass of wine. In a quick first impression nutshell of a summery, he seems nice, intelligent, methodical and somewhat philosophical. But I do not think this is a romantic match.
Mr. Propositioner. First I should clarify that I never met this guy and the only communication I had with him was the message he sent me that said “why don’t you come stay with me for the weekend and lets see if we click. Maybe we can make some sort of arrangement if it goes well.” What kind of arrangement is he thinking? Somehow, just reading that message made me feel dirty. No thank you, I do not need a repeat of Mr. Absurd .
Mr. X I hesitate to even write about him because I do not want to jinx anything. Our most recent date was at Wildwood in Portland. Maybe it was because of the sunshine because the staff at Wildwood were so happy and accommodating. Even the hostess was glad to see us when we arrived early to our reservation. I ended up choosing the tuna with a caramelized fennel puree for dinner, it was delicious, almost as good as the kiss after.
Most people who know me, know I lOVE ice-cream and no date is complete without dessert, so we headed to Salt and Straw, on 23rd . This place is a little mecca, almost like walking into a store that is packed with DvF and Eva Franco dresses. It is hard to chose just one flavor, so why not just go with three. Pear & Goat cheese, Lavender and vanilla. I have been there more than once in a single day!
We shall see where this one goes.
Gin Wigmore – Oh My
Man Like That
& Under My Skin
The best whims are the ones with serendipitous endings. At least that may be the case tonight.
I had every intention to go directly home this evening, but I had this wild craving for a Margarita and Pate (I know a strange combo, to my defense, I was the kid in school who wanted liverwurst sandwich not pb&j). The only place in McMinnville that could satisfy this particular craving is Thistle and Patrick, Mr. Mixologist Extraordinaire, delivered.
While I am delightfully nursing my margarita and savoring each and every deliciously luxurious bite of my pork rillette, I hear in the background, “Bachelor Auction”. What? Bachelor Auction? My attention is redirected, to single men and auction. Faster than I could think “how do I purchase a ticket?” I was helping myself to the stool next to the two woman and introducing myself. Wow, as easy as that and I have a ticket to the Cancer Foundation Bachelor Auction! Oh, but their is a caveat. The so called bachelors are not all bachelors, but married men, darn. The ‘bachelors’ will just be representing various auction packages, some very date appropriate, such as wine tours and private dinners prepared by Portland chefs. It’s a good cause and sounds fun.
Lana Del Ray – Take Me Away
Match.com has a system that sends “daily matches” to their subscribers but for whatever reason, I get them every few days. Not a big deal one way or the other, however when I do receive these matches I would prefer that one matches is not my brother-in-law! Yep, well actually he is my ex-brother-in-law, but regardless of the technicalities, he is practically family. Needless to say we will not be contacting each other for any romantic rendezvous.
Yes, it is an imperfect world and on-line dating is no exception, but the imperfections are half the fun.
Here’s to A Small World
I wish I could have thought of a better song than It’s A Small World. So Here is one of my personal favorites, Free by Graffiti6
The lead singer is so cute and will be performing at the Doug Fir Lounge in Portland on June 19. Now, wouldn’t he be a deliciously nice date?
I was communicating with a guy through okCupid last week, all was going well, we were even discussing trying to meet. Then nothing! My only conclusion is one of two things. He either was not who he said he was or it was my lack of divulging some personal information.
Was he who he said he was? This is online dating and one can’t take to many chances, so I generally try to find a way to test the guy. With this particular gent., he was very forthcoming, maybe to much so, that by the second message, I had his name and what law firm he works at. Of course I had to Google him. Not to much, and what I did find was all very recent, in other words, not to much history there. Being acquainted with a prominent attorney in Portland, I asked him if he knew of her. I hate name dropping because it is cheap, but in this situation I wanted to use it as a test of sorts. If he is who he says, he should know of this person. I know he could just as easily do a web-search, but how he answers is also telling. Anyway, he gave me an adequate reply.
Or was it that I didn’t Facebook him, like he suggested? Why would I give a total stranger, from okCupid or any other site for that matter, access to my last name and who knows what other kind of information by friending him on facebook? Of course, I said no. The playground is not level, at least not in my mind it isn’t. He may have given me his name but as a female I’m in a more precarious position.
So I am left wondering, was this a scam or was he trying to be as cautious as I was? Maybe I am also hoping he wasn’t a creep, that may come into contact with some other unsuspecting female.
This song is actually from this Mystery Man’s Facebook page that I didn’t friend. It was a band that I had not heard before and love it.
Shake By Bronze Radio Return
On-line dating is so much like hiring a new employee. As a potential employee you take the time to write a resume or fill out a job application in entirety. You do so to get the job. Similarly, your on-line dating profile is your application to date me or some other luck girl. These sites ask you questions like “What are you doing with your life?”, “What was the last book you read?”, “What are you looking for in another person?” for a reason. So we, your potential date, can get an idea of who you are. If you leave it blank or give some flippant remark, what is your allure?
Why the heck should I hire you, if you can’t even tell me about yourself?. It is dumbfounding. Just as each employer has their own individual selection process, I have mine. When it comes to online dating, these are some things that will get you eliminated from the pool faster than the speed of light and some questions that come to mind when I read a profile.
Photos: This is the very FIRST thing I see when I look at a profile, so photos count. I am mindful that not everyone photographs well, so he doesn’t have to be gorgeous, but he should to fit into my parameters. If photos contain any of the following they will not even be considered:
~The self-photos and the varying versions.
Do you not socialize? Do you not have friends that can take a decent photograph of you?
~Muscle Flaunting Posers. Are you vain? self-absorbed? Are you going to be critical of my aging body when I’m fifty? If you are fond of how fit your body is, post a photo of you running in a race or climbing a mountain, not of you pulling your shirt up to show of the six-pack. Subtlety goes a long way.
~Tongues, Guns, and other stupidities. I do not want to see photos of a strangers tongue and I most certainly do not want to see a photo of a gun pointed at me. Why? What are your goals in life? If you are trying to be funny, find a different way. Humor often needs to be appreciated in person.
Self-Summery / In your own words: This is hopefully where I can get an essence of who you are. To determine what sets you apart from the rest.
~Emptiness / Half-asked: Void of thought and/or character. Why would I go any further with this profile if he is going to be a lazy and disconnected? If you have only posted photos and not filled in the rest. Do you only care that your date think you are attractive? Do you not care what she might think of you as an individual? Do you not know who you are?
~Generic: Some of these could have been clumped into the half-asked pile, however I appreciate initiative and it can go a very long way. My personal issue with these profiles, is that they take on a rote quality, almost as if they just don’t know what to say, so they say what is expected. I do not know one person who doesn’t like the outdoors, so to open with a statement such as, “I like the outdoors” does not say anything about you, its like saying “I am alive”. Well of course your alive. What about the outdoors do you like?
I know writing a profile isn’t easy, but you are obviously on one of these sites because you hope to meet someone interesting, someone with potential. So please take the time to think about who you are as an individual and what you want.
My little sister who was on break from Grad school, came down to be my date to a recent event. I could have gone stag but this was a perfect excuse to get in some much needed sister time, and how more delightful date is one who is a sister? She may have been more excited to take advantage of having excellent food paired will equally great wine, but I would won’t hold that against her. Between Nick’s house-made mortadella and pastas, Matzinger-Davies ’08 Pinot, Coeur de Terre ’06 Pinot, and Harper-Voit ’10 Pinot, the food and wine flowed marvelously through our mouths. By the time our main course arrived the engaging gentleman sitting across from us asked why I didn’t have a male companion.
My Reply: “This is McMinnville, and I haven’t met any cute single men in McMinnville lately.”
Gentleman: “Well what about Portland?.”
Me: “Actually I have met a couple eligible men from Portland but when they find out where I live, they say that I live to far away.”
Gentleman: “Really, Portland it’s far away, it’s only about 30 miles.”
Me: “Yes, I know but it seems that they want someone at their beck and call.”
Gentleman: “They’re lazy and nothing ever comes to those who are lazy”
So simple. They are lazy because they do not want to put in a little extra time to get to know me, because it isn’t convenient. But what is ever convenient? Is it covenant to go to the gym, the grocery store, the DMV or the airport? How convenient is it to wake up in the morning when it is dark, wet and rainy outside? Think of all the things you have lost out on or would have lost out on if you didn’t take the time to just do it.
Now, back to my date with my sister. After everything was concluded with the event, we walked around to corner to Thistle for a cocktail. For some time I have wanted to bring her here because she would appreciate the pre-prohibition drinks they have. The drink du jour for me was a blood and sand. As always they were excellent and we went back the next night for seconds.
Here’s to being able to imbibe in an alcoholic beverage, with no worries of being thrown in jail. That is as long as you don’t drive and prohibition doesn’t come back.
Ken’s Burn’s Prohibition
Dear all single guys out there,
If you have genuine intentions of meeting a lady, please do not act like an idiot from the gate. Remember if you are trying to be funny, their are all kinds of funny and some humor should be left between the guys. Likewise, many photos of yourself that you think are funny are not going to get you a girl and likely may be a turn-off. If you think that being obnoxious or irreverent is going to sweep someone off their feet you may find yourself disappointed. Frankly, I do not know what to say to you disillusioned fellows, except that maybe you could take more civilized approach to enticement and see where it gets you.
Micheal Buble – Havent met you yet
Am I glutton for punishment, because I am going to give online dating another try. This round I am trying okcupid and am also considering match.com again. Unfortunately, okcupid seems the same as the other sites. The pool is big and the quality is low, at least on paper. The urge to want to analyze some of the profiles is persistent, as many of them are ridiculous and a waste of time and space, like a weed that just needs to be illuminated with out a second thought. I do not mean to be rude, however if some of these guys are truly interested in finding someone to date they are being rather lazy about it, and that is not what I want. It is unfortunate because I am sure that some of these guys are not lazy, just unsure of how to present themselves. It is these guys I wish I could help, by making a few suggestions, to improve their profile.
Regrettably it didn’t occur to me until now to document some of the goodies, as I was going through them so quickly. So here is a little taste of some of the curious and interesting things I came across today:
“I am currently dating a beautiful girl that I met on another site. For the most part we are exclusive but are considering playing with others. This requires trust, open communication and honestly.” ~xx, from OkCupid
What does that mean? Is he referring to a ménage a trios? Or just exploring different opportunities?
One eye catching photo of a guy dressed up as a cross between Maverick (Tom Cruise) and a Chippendale dancer caught my attention.
Flight-suit unzipped to his navel, and sunglasses. If he were a Chippendale dancer, it might be the most beautiful one I’ve seen. His other photos where him posing to showoff his muscles. Unfortunately, he was one who took a lazy approach to describing himself and I was left thinking he was probably vain and self-centered.
While we are on the topic of photos, a large portion of the profile photos (likely over 50%) are guys with their tongues hanging out like an awkward dog. Another solid percentage are self-portraits, of those, the worst ones are taken in the bathroom mirror, with or without a shirt on!
Another guy, not the one dressed up as Maverick, boasts in his self summary that “after several years of flying airplanes, deploying and blowing up bad guys for the Air Force” . While I think that he should be proud to have served in the military, his statement gives his profile an aura of arrogance and is disrespectful of human life. He may have been trying to be funny, however its hard to know. Maybe I should give him a little slack, but the statement says a lot and makes me wonder if he is self-righteous, morally ignorant, or is he trying to act cool because he has some inferiority complex?
Another guy says he “plays cards for a living”. Not sure how I feel about gambling. The rest of his profile sounds great. Gambling could be a red flag.
A profile that got my hackles up was a man (probably fudging on his age) posing suggestively, shirtless, pants unbuttoned and hand on zipper with black finger-less gloves on. He gives his name and says he is looking for “fun and playful friends”, he also says he is “kind of shy” and “Safe”. Shy? Safe? The whole thing seems creepy.
Most of the profiles are either so generic that they are boring or they are so over-the-top-out-there, as if they are rebelling against society and conformity or living in some altered state of reality, that they only offer entertainment and no substance. If all else fails I guess I’ll have to consider some of these non-conformists at least I’ll be entertained. For now I will keep looking.
It is impossible to know from just reading these profiles who these people are, because without the face-to-face interaction, the external cues that would be picked up are lost. But I like challenges and I am optimistic.
Just another glorious day in wine country. The highlight,after the weather and dinner that was made for me, was the 2008 Reckless, Cabernet Sauvignon from Styring Vineyards.
This video is a rather interesting find.
So with that, sweet dreams and goodnight.
I have a very humorous friend who is trying to convince me to apply to be a contestant on The Bachelor. Maybe that would be a way to meet a great guy, however I’m not sure on those odds. It may be something to consider, if the girls were kinder. But you wouldn’t see me prancing around in a bikini, or skinny dipping on national television. No, I do not think I want 20 other woman, plus the shows views scrutinizing my body, when it is perfectly fine. I like my clothes better on anyway, it’s easier to hide my imperfections. That probably not so good for ratings, is it.
Yes, it is a fact, I no longer have the body of a 20 year old, even sadder, my breasts had the life sucked out of them by my son. Even my dear Mother reminds me that I am “no spring chicken’. Oh, how I long for those days when I was a young perky thing.
Everyone should have a personal assistant, right? But what good is a personal assistant if they can’t help you on a whim.
The new iPhone personal assistant, Siri, might be handy for a myriad if things including locating restaurants and initiating calls to people from a contact list. But really what kind of assistant is she if she can’t pick-up my dry-cleaning, find me those beautiful Tabitha Simmons Shoes, that i can actually afford. She can’t even tell me if my bum looks big in these jeans, or make it easier for me to meet an unbelievable guy. If only Siri could talk to that cute guy at the coffee shop that I’m to chicken to go up to. So I ask you Siri what good are you, Really? You may sometimes understand my questions and yes you may help me do some basic things like call a friend,but I can do that just a fast as you. You do not get my meaning and things get lost in translation. You even get sassy with me.
Me: Find me Mr. Perfect or at least almost perfect
Siri: is that so?
Me: YES, Siri that is so!
Siri: I can not find that in your contacts
Me: I want those Tabitha Simmons, Evita shoes, But they cost $2000 What should I do?
Me: I Repeat question
Siri: I don’t know that
As you can see Siri is no help, If I want an assistant, I want her to help me with things I haven’t the time for or the know how. Maybe one day Siri will be able to actually call the Urban Farmer and reserve a 7pm seating, with out me doing a thing, but until then siri, I think I can suffice with out you.
This may seem ridiculous and fairly insignificant to most people, but for those of us who suffer from shyness or anxiety in some social situations know how difficult dating can be. Thank you for baring with me as I hone my dating prowess.
The Professional Outdoorsman
Our last date was to Andina in the pearl. Three different ceviche plates, excellent margaritas and lots of laughter made this a perfectly memorable date. Regretfully this one has been put on hold. We are still in touch but have not been out for nearly a month. He has recently taken a new position with his company. The demands of the new position and the emotional ties to his ex, are proving to be to complicated at this time. This is not a cease and desist but more of a lets not get to carried away.
I’m a little disappointed with this one. He, along with most of the men I’ve met recently have either not learned or forgotten how to woo a lady and Daddy Longlegs is no exception. He is both attractive and intelligent, however, he seems to struggle when it comes to taking the lead and build an interpersonal relationship. He’s vague about everything. How do you get to know someone who is vague? You don’t. Vagueness isn’t mysterious is weird. Also, I believe if a guy wants to meet up with me somewhere, at the very least he should have an idea of what he wants to do. If he’s unfamiliar with the area, a little research could be done, to show a little forethought. I’m just not being wooed here.
Because Mr. Suave and I keep meeting in professional settings we have yet go out on a date. Yes, we have had cocktails, dinner, lunch and even coffee in the morning (we met for coffee) none I’d consider a date because the setting always had a professional agenda. I think Mr. Suave and I are going to be great friends. He teases me about my directional challenges and I can almost tease him about his vanity. The reality is, I’m not his type. I’m not flashy, my breasts are natural, my hair is almost its natural color, and my accessories are not walking advertisements. I’m far less pomp and pretense. And he’d eventually get tiered of me suggesting a more moderate, kind approach to his sometimes brutishness. Time will tell.
Mr dreamy (the newbie).
For the past few years I have seen (not dated, just observed from a distance) Mr. Dreamy with relative frequency at Union Block Coffee. Because of my shyness and lack of gumption with the opposite sex, I never said anything, just gave a polite smile, always hoping he would initiate something. But nothing ever happened and after last summer I never saw him again. Until a week and a half ago when I walked into Golden Valley for dinner with a few fellow planning committee members and there he was, sitting at the table next to my group. Coincidently, I knew all the wives of the men at the table with Mr. Dreamy. Of course, once I got home that night I promptly email one of the wives and asked her who the cute guy was. By the next day I had his email and a brief description of how great he is and that he had moved to Portland a few months ago. Uh, of course he has moved to the city! Now, not only am I feeling a little bummed because I have terrible timing, I am beginning to feel a little bit like a stoker, after all, I’ve just tracked his name and email down. Still I proceed by emailing Mr. Dreamy, hoping he doesn’t find it to bold or awkward.
He promptly replies:
Thank you for the email. It’s flattering to be sought out by an attractive lady! There is nothing awkward about being bold. Here is the deal, though. I live in Portland, having moved last June. I currently visit Mac about once / month to see clients and the guys you saw me with last night. I would be open to getting a drink sometime. Location makes that a little challenging. And to be totally open & honest, I’m fresh out of a relationship and on a self-imposed dating hiatus. Maybe now I’m the one being awkward, but I really appreciate your email and want to be perfectly straight with you.
Let me know if you are in town and I’d be happy to grab a drink. It never hurts to meet new people. Especially the bold and attractive type. 🙂
Curious, he says he “would be open to getting a drink sometime” but he’s on a dating hiatus. I wonder what his idea of a date is?
My reply back:
Self-imposed dating hiatus? That sounds dreadful. No such thing for me, living in McMinnville already puts a damper on my dating options and would likely become an old maid if I did such a thing. Actually, I am on more of a dating expedition
and ask him to meet me for a “non-date”. That silly manipulation of a word worked!
Mr. Dreamy and I emailed back and forth a few more times when I realize he might have the wrong impression of me. Clearly I should come with a huge disclaimer that reads:
Warning: Privileged (not spoiled), Unemployed (frugal and poor), Single Mother (must plan in advance, no spontaneous dates), Prone to increased clumsiness and moodiness if not fed every two hours. Should not be nixed with tequila.
I do not accept liability for any loss or damage to Ego, including and without limitation to, any loss of Sanity which may arise directly or indirectly from flirting, fornicating or any other form of interpersonal relations, platonic or not. Proceed at your own risk.
“Non-date” scheduled after I told him I was likely not exactly what he was conjuring up in his mind and I should come with a warning.
Here is I wanna dance with somebody, by Whitney Houston. I loved this long with I was a child and now my son thinks its funny when I dance around the house singing it.
Sorry for my lack of writing. Pre/post holiday activities and travel left me a little dry, uninspired and in a quandary. Not to sound overly dramatic but I’ve been trying to do some “soul searching” or more specifically career searching. If you would have asked me 10 years ago (give or take a few) what I thought I would do for a career I would have said I wanted to be a philanthropist or a creative director in the fashion industry. The philanthropist caused a few eyebrow raises from my peers. At that time one could barely say philanthropist and fashion in the same sentence and be taken seriously. Today my reality isn’t exactly either of these, however, I still love clothes and care about the welfare of others, it just isn’t my daily occupation nor am I giving great sums of money for charitable endeavors. While I may be whimsical at times in my thoughts and desires, I am mostly a realist, so I will not be packing my bags and moving to NYC to fulfill some unfulfilled dream. No, I like Oregon to much to think it would be better anywhere else. This likely some sort of personal renaissance I am going through that will only be achieved and understood through more dating. That sounds so easy enough doesn’t it?
So, onto the important stuff! Regretfuly, Februarys adventures thus far are sparse and I will update you soon. No frets, my hiatus is over and all the juicey details of The Professional Outdoorsman, Daddy Long-legs, Mr. Suave, and a new one, Mr. Dreamy / Can’t talk when I see you Mr. Dreamy will all be shared.
Apparently I am not only bad with directions, it seams I am also a terrible driver. Driving on the freeway this week I was paying more attentions to a large semi on my right, knowing that inside that monstrosity the driver probably couldn’t see my compact fuel efficient vehicle. In retrospect I should have used my horn, it’s there for a reason. As a result, lets just say I skinned my vehicle, on one of those large orange barrels, completely severing the driver’s side mirror from my car. This scared the bageebees out of me, causing me to be very nervous and shaky for hours. It could almost be funny but the blind spot that was already there, just got exponentially larger, and the two small spring-like tentacles dangling in the wind from where my mirror used to be are annoying. My little car is going into the car doctor right away.
In honor of my misfortune and to poke a little fun at myself, here is a video a friend shared with me.
Harry Enfield – Women, Don’t Drive
When I started this blog, it was with the idea that I could highlight not only my recent dating adventures but also, the beautiful wine region in which I live, and what it has to offer while learning more about blogging and social media. Unfortunately,I have not done as well of a job as I would like. However I have been recently inspired and have added a new page on this blog that will highlight some of the wines I try and enjoy. As I am new this, I may find that it is not the best way to disseminate the information. As most things go, this is a work in progress.
The refound inspiration was spurred during a recently holiday party where I had the opportunity to taste a menagerie of wines. Of those wine, God King Slave stood out from the rest. It is a 50/50 blind of Syrah and Tempranillo. Another good one was Troons, Dessert Wine, Holiday Cheers. I often do not like dessert wines because of the concentrated sweetness and the way it coats my mouth, but the cinnamon, clove and orange peel in this dessert wine made it very drinkable. I have heard that it is even better warmed.
It was also a pleasure to meeting Christine Collier, who works for Troon Vineyards and her boyfriend Chris Jiron, from Folin Cellars. Together they have created the label God King Slave. Christine, who I had the opportunity to talk with more during the party, is a sharp, confidant, opinionated and energetic young woman who definitely has a lot going for herself. Their tag line for this label is Create like a God, Command like a King, Work like a Slave. Very fitting for this young couple and their wine label.
It has been a rather slow month for dating, but this is no surprise. The only noteworthy gentleman are ones I have already spoken of.
The Fanatical-Outdoorsman (October’s Adventures in Dating) and I have now gone out a few times. All-around great guy, he is level-headed, mature, adventurous and he also volunteers at the children’s hospital. This is just the beginning, I still haven’t met my goal and have more men meet. Mr. Outdoorsman does have one disadvantage, well maybe two but I’m not counting. The main one being, that he is recently out of a long, rather rocky relationship. Our mutual friends refer to him as a serial monogamist and wonder if he will ever settle down? We have had the relationship talk, which consisted mostly of us expressing the need to date and the importance of not getting into a relationship right away. So this is all fine and dandy, for now. The outdoorsman has expressed some concerns about my location. This is a legitimate concern, he lives in Portland and I do not. So we lack the ease, conveyance and spontaneity that could run freely if we both lived closer. I personally am less concerned about it at this time and feel that as we are getting to know each other the distance is ok and we can figure it out.
Locality has been a sore topic for me as it seems to be a deciding factor with online daters (neither of these men I met on-line). McMinnville is only one hour from downtown Portland and it would be a far reach to call it hickville.
Then there is bachelor number two, Mr. Suave. I keep asking myself why I am leading myself down this road. I am not naïve to think that I can change a Players ways, however I may be naïve to think that there might be a chance he isn’t the player, I think he is. That being said, I need to explore further into this Mr. Suave because I can’t explain how he makes me feel. The feeling or sentiment that I had when I first met Mr. Suave was something I haven’t experienced before. It was so unsettling, almost exciting but really just far more terrifying than anything else. We had only gone out a couple of times after our original meeting, so he was free to see whom ever he pleased. When I declined a dinner invitation from him, I didn’t expect him to stay home. But when I saw him out with another girl, it was as if the wind was knocked out of me, and all of my presumptions were confirmed. I then had reason to shut the door on what I was feeling. Then I ran into him at an event in Portland last month, those same crazy, bewildering and unsettling feelings I felt before where right there practically knocking me off my feet, turning me into a stupid silly wreck of a female. The lack of control I have over my feelings and the situation is absurd and utterly terrifying. So I know this time I must proceed into this crazy illogical but maybe logical desire I have for Mr. Suave. I hope I can get him out of my system because I do not believe he will be sidelined from continuing to play the field anytime soon. Even more important I do not want to forever wonder.
With Christmas a couple weeks away I suspect dating will continue to be put on the back burner at least just for a brief gentle simmer. But come the New Year, everything will be fresh, shiny and new, with plenty of new opportunities.
Bitter:Sweet – Dirty Laundry
What’s the fun in playing it safe?
I think I’d rather misbehave
Over the years I have been in a few relationships, but I have never really dated. I suppose I’ve always been more of a relationship girl or maybe dating was never encouraged in the right way. My typical mode of dating, up until recently, has been to date one person, if something materialized great, if not then we would move on. Somewhere along the way I realized that I wasn’t having any real success with love and that I needed to explore the opposite sex, with more vigor and gumption.
Having never been a fan of unfair playgrounds or that a persons heart is a toy, the concept that dating was a game, always made me feel uneasy. Playboys finessing their way through a parade of innocent young ladies or harlots bouncing from one guy, to the next in a disrespectful fashion was what my mind conjured up when I thought of dating as a game.
Thanks to a fellow blogger, Silly_G from Threemonthstoforty This dating expedition I am on just became clearer. I realized that I can play the game too. The idea of telling my dates that they might be just one of a few (in my case, a couple) on a roster of eligible men seemed like major dating faux pas. But, now I see the value of a Dating Roster and that I can determine my own rules of the game while being forthcoming about my goals and expectations, all while using it all to my advantage. Juggling men is tricky business, I’m not sure how well I will do with it.
Bitter: Sweet – The Mating Game
It’s almost Friday, and I have a couple dates planed in-between two social events. A little worried I have too much planned for the weekend and will end up feeling over-extended. I have also been toying with the idea of including a couple of male friends into my dating process. Not to date them, but to incorporate them into some of my dates somehow. Maybe a different perspective. One of them has known me for a very long time and they are all are great men. They are Marine pilots, so they are sort of a unique breed of men and so much fun to go out with. It would be cruel to lead a new fellow unknowingly into this sort of ruckus. So if my date were knowing and willing it could be a fun little eye opener for both parties. Just musing……
Lets misbehave from Easy Virtue
Why is it that some seemingly intelligent and good-looking men are always attracted to women with fake boobs, bleached blond hair, artificial tans, who continually post half-naked photos of themselves on facebook and can barely hold a meaningful conversation?
Do guys think that the above quantities some sort of state of bliss or eternal satisfaction? Do they think that they will be more satisfied? I doubt it, therefore I just don’t get it.
I came across this article by Jill Filipovic on Good.is and found it to be a perfect representation of the obstacles of dating and 8 Red Flags to to avoid while weeding through on-line dating profiles. If you are not familiar with Good.is it is not a dating website but a collaboration ideas to help propel things in a positive direction.
Here is the article by Jill.
‘No Crazy Chicks’: Eight Red Flags I Learned from Online Dating by JILL FILIPOVIC
Around this time two years ago, I created an online dating profile. Why? I was becoming curmudgeonly, and lazy. I had a busy social life, a job I liked, smart friends, and a general aversion to committed relationships—and no incentive to clear the way for dudes. I wasn’t opposed to dating, but I had exhausted the friends of friends category. Getting set up ended only in awkwardness. Men in bars got the stink eye.
Then my friend Priscilla—an attractive, normal, and well-socialized young woman—signed up for OkCupid. She advised me that online dating probably wasn’t the path to a relationship, but it would get me out of my dating rut. “It’ll make you stop being such a judgmental bitch,” was how she put it. “You’ll have to be nice to people.”
Online dating was, in my bitchy and judgmental estimation, for women who wanted to get married, stat, and were willing to settle for whatever turned up a few clicks away. On the other hand, real-life dating had so far led me to a former frat boy who got jealous when a homeless man talked to me, a gay guy who was looking for a woman to bear his children, and a 40-something singer in a Rick James cover band who once pooped his pants on The Jenny Jones Show.
I didn’t have much to lose. Besides, someone to ice skate alongside in Bryant Park sounded nice. So I logged onto OkCupid, uploaded some flattering photos, listed a bunch of pretentious favorite books and music, and waited. It didn’t take long.
“There are 20 angels. 10 are sleeping, 5 are flying, 4 are playing and 1 is reading this,” one of the first messages read. Within a day, I had received dozens of new communiques. Most days, I would scroll through them for a minute or two, then get quickly overwhelmed and click “close tab.” For every 20 or 30 messages I received, I responded to maybe one.
I soon found that online dating did not force me to be nice—actually, it required me to be mean. And the process of ferreting out the weirdos was oddly cathartic. Offline, women are socialized to Be Nice (or at least to be polite and respond to advances). Men are socialized to Hit Anything That Moves (or at least to consider having sex with any interested woman). Online dating offered a new playing field. For women, OkCupid is both a less-intimidating medium for asking men on dates, and an easy out for evading creepy suitors. You’re entitled to select a date you are interested in and attracted to, which means you don’t have to respond to a guy’s advances just because he’s taken the time to advance upon you. The sheer volume of potential mates helps turn the tables even further. At a time when women are told that we’re getting too old and successful to find suitable partners, online dating offers us the buffet of options men have traditionally enjoyed.
Of course, buffet-style dating strikes a lot of people as overly consumerist: You’re evaluating potential mates not based on any real-life connection, but on a set of characteristics they list on a website and a curated set of self-shots. It can be limiting in that regard, but the little things can be significant. Online dating informs you from the get-go if your potential companion enjoys the musical stylings of John Mayer, thinks The Da Vinci Code counts as a “book,” or voted for Ron Paul. People lie—despite the appearances of my tightly curated online profile, my typical Friday night is not actually spent out drinking whiskey, but rather downing a bottle of $10 wine on my couch. But at least you get a sense of the kind of person a potential mate can be when they put their most dateable face forward.
In my two years on OkCupid, I’ve gone on a handful of dates and been treated to hundreds more hilarious, offensive and often bizarre messages. I’ve noticed the same themes playing out among the worst online daters. Some men have learned to obscure the ugliest parts of their personalities on online dating sites, hoping you won’t notice their jealousy issues, racism, or stupidity. But they’re never that good.
Here’s how to spot the red flags:
Red Flag: The list of all the things one doesn’t want in a partner. This list often includes the phrase “no crazy chicks.”
What It Means: I’m not so stable myself.
Most online dating sites have a “what you’re looking for” section. If someone uses that section as an opportunity to vent about everything they hate, they are a bad-finder who will sniff out all of your faults. The worst among these are the “no crazies!” men. Dudes who are positive that bitches be crazy are also dudes who are willing to write off anything you say as “insane” if it’s something they don’t want to hear. They’re convinced that much of the female population is mentally unstable because they have on occasion run into females who believe they are entitled to their own thoughts, opinions, and rights—and exercise the right not to be interested in No Crazies guy. If you are a reasonably intelligent woman with some amount of self-esteem, you will eventually be branded as “crazy” by No Crazies Guy. Because, frankly, No Crazies Guy is crazy. See also: Men who refer to women as “females.”
Red Flag: The shirtless photo.
What It Means: I’m a cheesy narcissist.
We’re all animals here—looks are a big part of the online dating game, so I don’t begrudge anyone for trying to look sexy. But an equally important component of the online dating game is sending visual cues to potential dates about what kind of person you are. The shirtless photo says, simultaneously, “poor judgment” and “The Situation.” See also: The “look how desirable I am because I am surrounded by hot girls” photo.
Red Flag: Grammar, punctuation, or capitalization carnage.
What It Means: I’m not very intelligent, and/or I’m lazy.
Grammar rules exist for a reason. When you message me to say “letds f cvk,” it’s unclear whether you would like to have intercourse or associate with the law firm of Cosgrave Vergeer Kester LLP. If you are borderline illiterate, that is legitimately unfortunate. Chances are, though, it’s a laziness thing. If you can’t even put the effort into spelling the f-word correctly the first time you contact me, I think it’s safe to say that you may not give your all when it comes time to bring that word to life. See Also: Messaging like a sixth-grader texts; emoticons.
Red Flag: Racial commentary.
What It Means: I’m a racist, a fetishist or both.
I realize not everyone’s parents taught them this growing up, but “what are you?” is not an appropriate question to direct toward a stranger. Neither are comments about a person being your sweet juicy fruit Nubian black queen. Don’t comment on anyone’s hair. Don’t call anyone “ethnic” or “exotic.” The people who do are interested in finding someone they can introduce as “My Black Girlfriend Jean” rather than plain “Jean.” See also: Commentary on how much he loves women with your body type.
Red Flag: Bisexual commentary.
What It Means: I spent my college years yelling “KISS! KISS!” at sorority girls in bars.
I mostly date men, but my swing-both-ways pals have some horror stories. So for men who like girls who like girls: You like lesbians and bisexual women. Great! But I’m pretty sure you aren’t messaging me just to let me know that you support basic civil rights (although you might be messaging me to let me know that you’re a homophobe). I understand that mainstream pornography has led you to believe that any woman who says she’s bisexual is down to touch anyone’s genitals, anywhere, under any circumstances. In fact, I will not make out with another girl just to impress a stranger on the internet; nor will I tell you about the last time I had sex just so you can jerk off while we OkCupid chat. The internet is a delivery system for any kind of pornography imaginable. Google it. See also: The sex message.
Red Flag: “I’m a nice guy.”
What It Means: I think that holding the door for you obligates you to spread.
Oh, Nice Guys. You are such an internet stereotype, and yet you don’t stop proclaiming your Nice Guyness. A dater’s comment about how he is Such a Nice Guy is inevitably followed up by a lament about how women only like jerks—i.e., any guy who is not the Nice Guy. How does he know that women like jerks? Because he sometimes does nice things for women, and they do not have sex with him in return. So he brings up his Niceness as a way to guilt women into sex. See how nice he is? Then, he includes this information on his internet dating profile. See how totally not manipulative and fun he seems? See Also: “Negs” you in his message.
Red Flag: All of the user’s favorite authors, directors and musicians are white men, except that one rapper they like.
What It Means: I am totally steeped in White Dude Culture.
Yes, we’re all steeped in White Dude Culture, but date-worthy men and women should at least make an effort to escape a little bit. Read some books by women. See some films made by directors of color. And if you’re a woman who dates men, recognize that a man who only cares about Dude Things may not care so much about your things at the end of the day. Double negative points if the favorites include Bret Easton Ellis or Norman Mailer. See also: Follows the Paleo Diet.
Red Flag: Comments about a woman being young, tiny, or child-like.
What It Means: I’m a pedophile, or I like my women weak.
Yes, women are socialized to believe that they need to look 18 forever and aging makes you ugly. Yes, men are aware that women are socialized thusly, and may conclude that it’s a compliment to say, “Wow, you look so young!” Actually, it makes him sound like a mustachioed uncle who shouldn’t be left alone with children. Men who sexually fetishize women who look underage aren’t just fetishizing underage girls—although that’s disturbing enough. They’re also fetishizing what being underage stands for: Lack of physical and social power, malleability, weakness, deficit of life experience. In other words: Not dating material, unless you have a lot of extra money you would like to give to a therapist while you work out your debilitating daddy issues. See also: Men who list their preferred age range as anywhere from 15 to two years younger than themselves (i.e., the 38-year-old looking for women between the ages of 23 and 36).
Even though no relationship materialized from my stint online, it was a success. Many words have been spilled on How We Date Now, but internet dating is really just one more tool in any dating arsenal. It forced me to identify the reasons I was rejecting a potential date, and seriously consider whether they were justifiable or needlessly judgmental. And it helped me realize that a little judgment isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The process can be grueling. Some nights, you’ll spend hours clicking through duds—about the time you’d spend deflecting the advances of dudes with gelled hair at the neighborhood bar. Some nights, it will feel like a mystery that the human race has made it this far. But some nights, you will make out in the back seat of a taxi cab while the sun comes up over the Brooklyn Bridge. And if you can find that guy on the internet, it’s worth a little carpal tunnel.
As I walked down Third Street in McMinnville today, it is definitely looking festive. The trees are lit with LED lights and swags of ornamental garland decorate the street. If it weren’t for the rain and cool weather I would say that this is the loveliest season of the year. Wreaths and ribbons have been added to business entries and all of the Boutiques have re-dressed their window displays with holiday scenes and merriment.
Here are a few photos of some of the shops downtown.
A few Links:
I met Daddy-Longlegs few weeks ago via Match. We have had one face to face, so needless to say, we are still in the very early phase of getting to know each other. The little that I know about him is that he seems nice, is cute, possibly a bit introverted, has a philanthropic side, plays music, has to have some high level of intelligence given his career path and is athletic. He is also fairly thin, maybe even skinny by some standards, hence the nickname, Daddy-Longless. He would probably point out that while he is lean, he is superbly fit and strong from all the bicycling he does. I’m just realizing that he seems a lot like the last person I dated, in that they share the same career path and athletic interests. Daddy-Longlegs is just a bit younger.
Unfortunately, there are a few draw backs to Daddy-Longlegs. The first is that he doesn’t seem very forthcoming about who he is and what makes him, him. Not that I expect him to tell me his life story, but if he can’t ever be serious and open up just a little, how am I to get a good read on him and figure him out?
Second, our main form of communication has been via text messaging. This is a difficult form a communication, at least for me. Sometime during our texting back and forth, he began to ask for provocative pictures. He has been relentless with his requests. Granted I didn’t take it to seriously, but did begin to get annoyed by it. He also wanted to know what color panties I was wearing. Are they lace or cotton? I’m not a prude, just not into sharing this stuff with someone I barely know, let alone through electronic devices. I just don’t want that stuff to come back and bite me on the derriere. I do believe that if Daddy-Longlegs were just out for the photos, he would have lost interest and communication would have come to a halt, but it has not. So throughout this, my curiosity takes over and I wonder how many foolish girls have fallen for this from him or anyone else? Are the photos like trophies? Or is it just an arousal? Just curious.
The third issue, is his location. This is the worst part of it. Of the guys that I have recently met from Match, he is the only one that I can say showed some potential. Of course that potential would be aside from the unyielding requests for a particular type of photo. He lives 3 ½ hours away, in a rural area that can feel landlocked during the winter. While it is true the town is not as lovely as McMinnville, and it may have been insulting to him that I voiced my disdain for his town. The words just stupidly slipped out. Particularly stupid because I think he might be a nice guy and also because I just sounded like a jerk, which I am far from. Not sure what was I thinking?
So in reality, even considering the advantages or disadvantages at this juncture may be a moot point as I have probably just insulted him. Wish I could just blame this blunder on something other than my myself.
Bombay Cricket Club was the choice location of a recent date. This particular date was with the well dressed professional from Portland. Not being a first date we could put our nerves aside and enjoy each other more freely. The restaurant is densely arranged with two levels and a bar on the main floor. A flat screen television is strategically placed at the bar for customers continued cricket enjoyment if they are so inclined. After our waitress made several attempts to take our orders, we finally decided it would be wise not to push our luck with this woman and just ordered her two favorite dishes along with a starter and two cocktails. Neither of us where well versed in Indian cuisine, and we barely had the opportunity to fully review the menu due to our conversation, so dinner would be a surprise.
At some point during our dinner, the conversation took a slightly more serious turn to women in the workplace, more specifically, in the military. How we landed on that topic, I do not know. It is a very interesting subject, like many worthy issues. It is dynamic and fascinating because of the varying components. This topic, to a great extent had me in conflict with my feminist ideology, traditional values, and my knowledge of human nature. In a reversal of roles I think my date may have taken more of a feminist view than I did in some areas and this may have slightly surprised him. Please do not misconstrue this, because I do believe that woman are clearly capable of all of the same things men are, but our tactics and behaviors may be vastly different. I do not pretend to know what goes on in the military or in a guys head (possibly I do not want to know, however curious I may be) The main point that I was trying to make during our discussion was that when you put a woman in to a male dominated environment the dynamic changes and things are often thrown off kilter, and vice versa.
Could you as a professional levelheaded and strong female with a solid understanding of the rules of life imagine living on an aircraft carrier for three to six months straight? If you can’t visualize it, think of the largest cruse ship you’ve ever seen, paint it a hideous gray, take away the comfortable beds, remove the beautiful wood, crystal chandeliers, art work, spas, elaborate dining halls, and the all so helpful stewards and cocktails. Imagine being confined to this DULL iron monstrosity, surrounded by clean cut, muscular, uniform clad men. Now now I didn’t say anything about good-looking single men, just muscular and uniform clad men, entirely different. So just forget about any illusions of being surrounded by good looking men in uniforms because it could fade quickly. Now imagine living without your usual outlets such as close friends, a quick jaunt to the store to satisfy a wild craving for some random luxury food or item, but maybe even more critical without the luxury of being able to just escape to clear your mind with a brisk walk or run outdoors. I think the term Cabin Fever might sound familiar! Now lets toss some emotions like chauvinism, animosity, sexual tension, or simply unfamiliarity in with the Cabin Fever salad and their it is an atmospheric change. It could also be something more symptomatic like tension that is built up because of an insecure spouse or lack of good decorum amongst colleagues.
Both the men and women in the military do great things and have proven their courageousness many times over to protect us and our liberties and for that I am grateful. I will continue to believe that women are strong compassionate creatures capable of doing great things, just as great as men, but I have not desire to slop around in mud or sand or live on an aircraft carrier with a bunch of stinky men. We have come along way since my grandmother’s generation and will continue to make strides. It will be interesting to see what evolves over the next 60 years.
So, back to dinner at the Bombay Cricket Club! Oh how I do enjoy curry, garlic, mangos, coconut, lamb and garbanzos. Unfortunately, I had to pray that the aromas permeating my body after this delicious dinner would not morph into halitosis. My date was perfectly splendid and I didn’t want him running away!
Almost exactly two years ago I met Mr. Suave through mutual friends at their Christmas party. He is successful, intelligent, and fairly attractive in a typical sort of way. He is more Russell Crow than David Gandy or Matthew McConaughey and is probably used to having girls through themselves at him. When Mr. Suave and I were introduced, his broad well postured shoulders, charming manners, combined with a part sincere and part mischievous smile told me everything I needed to know about him. Mr. Suave, was a player and I should not be charmed! As the holiday festivities continued around us, we were obviously enjoyed each others company because fellow party goers mistook us as a married couple. When it was time for me to go, I remember thinking to myself just leave don’t find him don’t say goodbye, just leave, he is trouble. Of course, that is not what happened and Mr. Suave walks me to my car. I tell him exactly what think of him but my stupid smile says differently because he tries to give me a kiss goodnight. Over the next few weeks and against my better judgment we continue to talk and see each other a few more times. One particular evening Mr. Suave asks me to have dinner with him, unfortunately I can not because I have dinner plans with the girls. That evening, I walk into the restaurant to meet my group and there he is, with another girl! The Scoundrel! The heartbreak! I tell my self that this is his loss, if he enjoys her company more than mine then he definitely is not worth my time. And thankfully I looked really cute in my cloche hat and coat! We spoke one time after that, he apologized and that was that.
Fast-forward a couple of years. I am in Portland helping a friend out, when I look up from what I am doing and there he is, Mr. Suave is standing in-front of me! Oh no, I just want to ignore him, pretend I don’t see him, forget about him, and protect my ego, but that would just be impolite. My friend is standing a few feet away, next to his girlfriend, observing this and chuckling at my awkward moment. Mr. Suave says it has been to long and that I should call him sometime. Please! Really, call him?! I tell him that I do not have his number anymore because I deleted it from my contacts. By days end, Mr. Suave maneuvered his way right back into my good graces. Darn that smile, Darn him and Darn me! But, I am still not calling him…and I do.
Bitter:Sweet – Trouble
Is it to much to ask for that I find a great guy with all of the following qualities?
~Good manners and well-bread (good parents, good friends, good home, good standards, etc.)
~Integrity and honor
~Compassion with a concern for human welfare and doing what is right
~Must have gumption
~Good mix of seriousness and playfulness
~Secure with himself, but not overly arrogant
~Expects the best from himself
~Generally a planner, but has the capability to be spontaneous
~The ability to express himself in a levelheaded manner and communicate openly and honestly with others is very important.
~Has the ability to evaluate a situation objectively and with sincerity
~Enjoys the Arts
~Worldly and enjoys traveling
~Is open to new experiences, thoughts, cultures, ideas, people, and life.
~Must enjoy food & have a cultivated palate or at least be open to trying new things
~Adventurous, maybe a bit of a calculated thrill seeker.
~Drinks in moderation
~Has his own thoughts, ideas, and dreams. He does not mold them to others
~Can cook or willing to except that my cooking skills are limited
~A romantic but not gushingly so
~Enjoys Music and Dancing, I am not a good dancer but LOVE to in the right situations.
~Being good with names would be fantastic because (while I’m good with faces and other details) I’m not so great at remembering names.
~Can put up and maybe even find my crazy ways, silly obsessions, and sometimes not so sensible ways endearing.
~Would be great if he is physically fit.
~ Between the age 32 and 42
It may be to much to ask for.
In theory going on 10 dates with 10 different men seems like a good idea. I want to be thankful for whoever it is that I end up with and it is a good idea to experience dating different people to learn not only what I want with more clarity but also how to feel more comfortable and communicate better with people in new situations. I can often be to formal and could benefit from a more relaxed manner.
But this dating business is a lot of work. I have considered, what if I meet someone I really like partway through the process? How will I continue dating other guys while still being sincere with the feelings that could be developing? Should I just continue meeting other people while continuing to foster this new relationship? How does one do this without hurting the other person and how will I protect my feeling while he continues dating other woman if he chooses to? Will I be taking a risk by continuing on this quest and potentially losing out on a great guy? This is unfamiliar territory, as I do not have much experience in dating multiple people during a relatively short period of time. How do so many people do it????
I suppose I should fill you in on the progress of my dating adventures. I believe I mentioned the process has been a little ripe with challenges. Even so, I have met three men since that unfortunate experience with Mr. Absurd.
The first of these three is an orthopedic surgeon from PDX. We agreed to meet at Farm to Fork in Dundee. As I am about the walk in the door, fear comes over me. Is this going to be a repeat of my last meet and greet? What if he looks nothing like his photo or he looks like the hunchback of notre dame and can’t even sit up straight? Or worse, we don’t recognize each other and find ourselves mortifyingly embarrassed when we realize our error and have to justify the blunder by the fact that we had only seen photos of each other on Match.com. I gain composure, walk in, and to my relief there Doc is, in the flesh and recognizable. We introduce ourselves and I am instantly struck by his voice. Note to self, maybe a telephone conversation would be advisable next time. It is so soft and almost effeminate. What the Maître d’ must be surmising at this point, I have not idea. I think a saw a little grin on his face, not a snide one, just one of observance. This town is so small, and I can almost envision a scene from a movie, with one text message spreading like wildfire so fast that by the time I go to work the next day, everyone will know I was on a blind date at Farm to Fork. Wildfires aside, we enjoy a glass of wine, some introductory conversation and decided to stay while enjoying some food. The Wild Boar Terrine and Duck Rillettes were both fantastic. At some point a couple come in and are seated directing next to us. Of all the seats available they sit next us, even worse is that I vaguely know (customer) the woman. Doc and I both become a little unsettled because it is obvious she is evaluating the situation next to her (us) and is periodically even eavesdropping on our conversation. All in all Doc seems like a very nice guy, our conversation was interesting and easy. His voice did became more robust and it would be nice to see him again in a platonic way.
An Attorney from Washington I met next. The day we decided to meet we were both rather rush for time due to other obligations in the city. I suggested that we meet at Starbucks on 23rd in Portland. Well, you know how bad I am with directions! I don’t pay attentions to street signs, just landmarks and when I say left but point right, I in fact mean right not left. You get where I am going. After I peruse a couple of my favorite shops on 23rd I wonder down to Starbucks and sit at a small table outside. While I am patiently waiting by myself, a group of men are seated nearby looking at me. Uncomfortable, because I dislike being stared at, so I find my phone as if it where armor to protect and happen to see a text message that my date is trying to find a parking spot. Thank goodness not sure I wanted to wait much longer. Phone back in pocket, I now notice a man hovering close by, when I look up he walks up to me and says “Hi, I am a photographer” oh dear, never a good introduction. Thankfully he doesn’t say much. He walks a few yards and watches me from where he has planted himself. To my relief, my date calls and we determine he is on the wrong side of 23rd. Darn it! (not exactly what I was thinking, but close) I told him to turn one way when I meant the other! I can not help but laugh, apologize profusely and explain that I am severely directionally challenged when not in the driver’s seat. He was a complete gem and took it in stride. Unfortunately, when we finally did meet it was so abbreviated it hardly gave us the opportunity to talk.
Date number Three is a professional from Portland who is possibly a fanatical outdoorsman. I think if it were circa 1850 he would have gone out into the woods to live deliberately with Thoreau. In contrast he is well dressed and must have a personal stylist, if I didn’t know any better I could have dressed him. Our date began at Ken Wrights’, Tyrus Evan Tasting Room. The tasting room, perfectly decorated in theme, had furs draped over furniture, animal skulls mounted on the wall, and Karen Wrights’ jewelry dangling from antlers. My date, the outdoorsman he is, was probably in his element. I too, was in my element, enjoying the wine. You must try their 2008 Savoya Pinot Noir. We decided to wander down the street and ended up eating lunch at the Horse Radish. While the Savoya and our constant chatter overshadowed my lunch, I would be very curious to return on a Friday night when the space is converted into quaint music venue. Thankfully, this date did not involve any nosey dining neighbors, gawkers, or directional mishaps.
When it comes to online dating profiles there are a lot of mediocre ones and then when you come across a gem it is like the skies have opened up and the sun has kissed you on the cheek. Well not really, but you get the point, it is a pleasure to read. The good ones have some substance, they aren’t overrun with clichés or over exaggerations and hopefully portray to the reader the true essence of who the person is. I want to know if he is articulate, compassionate, or if he is sarcastic, a sports fanatic, a neat-freak or if he is over involved with his own activities to really have the time to invest in a relationship.
Isn’t it just splendidly over-the-top? It certainly is very entertaining and also well written. It seems to outrageous to be real? Paragraph 3 and 4 are a bit steamy I almost wanted to cover my eyes but couldn’t because I want to read more. He has purged every mans desire into this profile. I certainly understand and agree that physical intimacy, mental agility, wit and sophistication are among the compulsory requirements, it is just very bold. Is it necessarily to divulge so much?
Here’s to the most private beach you can find!
Finding an eligible date that I would want to go on a date with and who wants to go on a date with me is taking some time. Living an hour away from Portland is proving to be to my disadvantage. If only I could convince these online daters that McMinnville boasts a fine array of hot women and a descent selection of nationally recognized restaurants.
So, I met with this one guy, lets just call him Mr. Absurd. Well Mr. Absurd was a little late to our first meet and greet. Something about a shower or phone call, regardless, late, but fine. Not five minutes into this does he say “your tits are smaller in person”. Yes he said tits! Then Mr. Absurd had the audacity to pull my blazer away from me and grabs my waist because he wanted to feel my waist. He doesn’t approve of my “tits” but says my waist is firm and wishes I would just take my blazer off. NO! I can not get out of here fast enough! I wish he would have asked to see my “ass” because I would have told him to get a good look at it because he would only see it as I walked away!
After such an offensive date one might want to reconsider if this online dating thing is worth it. This is not an easy process, it takes time, patience, flexibility and in this particular case a good since of humor. During my hour drive home I had time to ponder this situation while indulging in a blackberry milk shake from burgerville. Ice cream must clear my mind. By the time I got home I decided that I need to go on at least 10 dates with 10 different guys, because I want to be thankful for who ever it is that I end up with. Silliness? Maybe, but hopefully I will learn a few things along the way. Maybe I am turning a lemon into lemonade.